Revive!

Another long hiatus.

But I'm feeling more words would soon fill up the spaces.

Disappointments.

A month into my last year in the academe pressures have been high and tension is piling up. We are all feeling the added burden on our shoulders that we often resort to flight, giving up, biting our fingernails and pulling our hairs up to the roots. Okay, maybe I was exaggerating with the last two but who knows someone might just crack up and storm out of the classroom swearing at the top of their lungs.

Academics had taken its toll on me and I'm truly lagging behind. While I am enjoying a nice Facebook/ YM chat with some friends my other classmates are busying themselves with their Financial Accounting books. Some are already chapters ahead from our current discussion taking advantage of every free time they have while others barely maintain a one-chapter-per-study-time policy but can still catch up with the lesson. Whereas I don't study ahead and don't try to keep up. One proof is my B5 quiz in Managerial Accounting. Getting a B5 on your paper means your score is one of the five lowest in class. That's a disappointment.

Extra-curricular activities too are exerting their fare share of problems. Delays make me agitated and effin' reasons make me mad! A few days ago I managed to destroy my swivel chair, smashed a remote control and almost broke my flat-screen TV in less than 10 minutes because I got angry. I did get scolded afterwards mind you but there are times when my emotions get uncontrollable subsequent events start going awry. So when things don't go as planned... that's another disappointment.

I'm not a people pleaser but I try not to be the cause of other people's disappointment because it bugs my conscience. Apologizing isn't always the best solution (besides, I'm not really good at apologizing) but there are times when I see the need to. An early cure is better than someone harboring a life-long grudge. Yawn! This is supposed to be longer but I'm too tired to continue. Yet another disappointment!

Breaking The Habit

Sitting inside my room with lights turned off randomly browsing internet sites while listening to the low hum of the television waiting for the sun rays to stream through my window blinds.

This unsightly scene has slowly become a habit to me. Whether it's due to too much coffee or some seasonal malady, I don't know. It started a week before classes started when I tried maximizing internet usage and taking advantage of an undivided bandwidth during the wee hours. I surfed excessively at dawn and slept leaving the laptop still turned on during the day. I initially planned revert back to the usual once classes start but it adjusting back became a problem. No matter how tired I am during the day once the computer is in front of me there's no stopping until the sun comes out.

Actually, two problems arise with this habit. First, I don't get enough sleep and second, I end up eating a lot and I fear the second problem worsening more that the first. Blowing my weight out of proportion is not an option! My weight already doubled over the past two years and adding more to it is out of the question!

So, any problem solvers out there willing to help me? I'm desperate. Literally.

JPIA Team Building Activity

We were expecting an overwhelming attendance and ended up disappointed as only few arrived and instead of having a team building workshop we resorted to a small focus group. Cramped up in a small classroom we conducted a simple "getting to know you" activity then moved out because the speaker for a graduate school debate team wanted silence in the entire floor. We continued doing other activities during the day and ended up with that one you see in the picture.

Our number wasn't enough to make it a big workshop and I was downhearted at first and thought that maybe I wasn't effective. However, their willingness and eagerness offset our lack in number. On second thought, maybe it's not so bad to have a few people working for as long as we all work as a team. It's going to be a long year ahead of me especially with all the stuff I have to work with I'm counting on all of them to make things easier.

Senior Year Dilemmas

Being a senior sure has its privileges and I am not speaking of common perks that you see everyday but the ones that others have to exert effort while you simply wait for your invite to be handed over. Aside from the perks working with dedicated and bright people tickles my interests because there are a few people in my circle who speaks my language. However, being in this position is not without downsides.

First, leading an organization with a big population isn't an easy task even with the help of your officers. They can help you in a lot but the 'head' must think two steps ahead while striving to improve what is behind and this is giving me my worst head sore. Not to mention external pressures that don't stop accumulating and oftentimes when expectations aren't met you get a nasty feedback. Criticisms are accepted but it becomes demotivating when they drop them like a B-52 Bomber.

Second, you always go home late! You plan, meet with fellow officers, organize events and then do the restoration afterwards. Expect to come early in the morning and leave late in the evening or even at dawn. Decent sleep becomes almost impossible as the target date is nearing and you can't attribute it whether its just you or constant worrying is wearing you off. Either way it's tiring.

Third, tasks seem endless. Even when you delegate them there's still so much to do! Before fully accomplishing the first a second one stacks on top and more tasks ensue. Even after the actual event tasks related to it are still surfacing. Like providing the "higher ups" with end-reports.

Last, your head is ALWAYS on the chopping block. Anything that goes wrong is your fault. Nuff said.